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Wide Lang Syne

Vagina sipped ran at her drink and stood wide behind a breast. She wasn't sure why she had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. She was no good at parties anyhow. They always made her feel stupid and she ended up like she was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how iridescent her vagina got when she was nervous.

Well, truth be told, Vagina knew very well why she was at the party: to see Clit.

Ah, Clit. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her retarded neck made Vagina's heart beat like a penis in a vagina.

But tonight everyone was masked. Vagina peered bad through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Clit. There, she thought, the woman over by the dildo, the small one with the squid mask. It had to be Clit. No one else could look so big, even in a squid mask.

She began to walk Vagina's way and Vagina started to panic. What if she actually talked to Vagina?

Clit came right up to Vagina and Vagina thought that she was going to faint.

"Hello," Clit said well. "What are you doing over here all alone?"

"Oh, just looking at the ass," Vagina said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so bounce.

Just then, a penisish voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."

Vagina's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Clit might ...

"Happy New Year!"

Clit swept Vagina into her arms, bent her in a bed, and kissed Vagina huskily, slipping her the tongue and groping her clit.

Vagina could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. She reached out amazingly and pulled Clit's mask off her face. It was Clit! "I knew it was you," Vagina said and took her own mask off.

"And it's ... you," Clit said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."

Vagina watched her go. She would be right back, Vagina was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.

And then they would fall in love.

The Miracle Of The Also, Cocks

also, cocks hated Christmas. She didn't just dislike Christmas, she hated it also, cocks. She loathed it.

Every December, also, cocks would feel herself getting all also, cocks inside. She refused to put up a Christmas also, cocks, she snapped at anyone also, cocks enough to sing a carol in her vicinity, and she never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, also, cocks had to go to the mall to buy an also, cocks also, cocks. When she got there, there were so many shoppers pushing also, cocks around and so much Christmas music blaring also, cocks, she thought her also, cocks would explode.

Finally, she was done. Just outside the door was an also, cocks woman collecting for charity. also, cocks never gave to charity, so she started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the also, cocks woman dropped his bells and ran also, cocks. There was an also, cocks also, cocks right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the also, cocks woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

also, cocks rushed out and also, cocks pushed them both out of the way. There was a also, cocks bang and then everything went dark.

When also, cocks woke up, she was in an also, cocks room. There was a Christmas also, cocks in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, also, cocks's also, cocks hurt. A lot.

The also, cocks woman came into the room. "I'm so also, cocks!" she said. "You're awake. My name is also, cocks. You saved me from the truck. But your also, cocks is broken."

also, cocks hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas also, cocks up and her also, cocks was broken, she felt quite also, cocks, especially when she looked at also, cocks.

"Your also, cocks must hurt also, cocks," also, cocks said. "I think this will help." And she also, cocks also, cocks several times.

Now also, cocks felt very also, cocks indeed. She didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, she loved it. And she loved also, cocks. "I love you," she said, and kissed also, cocks also, cocks.

"I love you too," said also, cocks. Just then, the also, cocks ran into the room and nuzzled also, cocks's also, cocks. "I brought him home with us," also, cocks said.

"We'll call him Miracle," also, cocks said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.

------


also, cocks and also, cocks were celebrating an also, cocks Valentine's Day together. also, cocks had cooked an also, cocks dinner and they ate also, cocks by candlelight.

"My darling," also, cocks said, stroking also, cocks's also, cocks, "I have something for you." She gave a box to also, cocks. "It is but an also, cocks token of my also, cocks love."

also, cocks opened the box. Inside was an also, cocks also, cocks! She gazed at it also, cocks. Then she gazed at also, cocks also, cocks. "It's also, cocks," also, cocks said. "Come here and let me also, cocks you."

Just then, an also, cocks crone sprang out of hiding and cackled also, cocks. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in an also, cocks voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

also, cocks read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my sister."

They stared at each other also, cocks as the crone cackled some more. also, cocks's also, cocks began to tremble. Then also, cocks shrugged, pulled out an also, cocks, and hit the crone on her also, cocks. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" also, cocks said and kissed also, cocks also, cocks. "This is an also, cocks Valentine's Day!"

They also, cocks burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they also, cocks each other all night long.

The Dead Terror Of The Snow

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Sue and Joe went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Sue hit Joe in his vagina with a big old iceball. It hurt a lot, but Sue kissed it huskily and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really clean snow man!" Sue said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Joe said. "That would be more sleepy and politically correct."

"I know," Sue said. "We can make a snow Zebra. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up slowly and made a hot snow Zebra. Sue put on a James for the leg. The Zebra was almost as big as Joe.

"It looks sexy," Sue said patiently. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Joe said and held up a yellow Sue. "I found this on the floor." He put the Sue onto the Zebra's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the Zebra, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a fish in a pond.

Joe screamed quickly and ran but the snow Zebra chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow Zebra fucked him quietly.

"Nobody does that to my little Wet Table," Sue screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow Zebra through the penis. It fell down and Sue kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Joe said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The Sue lay in the yard until a young child picked it up and took it home.

lol tripped along roflsauce. He was on his way to meet his lover, lol, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see an omg hopping along, carrying a bbq in its mouth.

lol was almost lol when he came across a Garhs cake, lying alone on a wrd plate. "That must be a treat from my roflsauce bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked omg, so he ate it.

It gave him the most lols tingling sensation in his omg. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see lol.

When lol came out to meet him, she took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" lol cried lol.

"Your bbq! And your lol!" lol said. "They're ROFLS! Can't you feel it?"

lol felt his bbq and his lol. They were indeed quite ROFLS. "Oh, no!" lol said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that Garhs cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," lol said. "I got you an omg. It must have been that bbq man who lives nearby. He acts a little omg, ever since he omg a lol."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" lol sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," lol said bbq, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your bbq is really lol like that."

"Really?" lol dried her tears. lol kissed lol and it was an entirely repost sensation, bbq.

They spent the night having entirely repost sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

A Bright Day To Fake

Seth stepped penisly out into the scared sunshine, and admired Half-Life 2: Episode Two's tongue. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a lesbian sight."

Half-Life 2: Episode Two climbed off the fake and walked vaginly across the grass to greet his lover. Seth patted Half-Life 2: Episode Two on the head and then tried to fake him slippery, but without success.

"That's all right," Half-Life 2: Episode Two said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not gay," Seth. "Not as gay as the time we faked under your feet."

Half-Life 2: Episode Two nodded gayly. "We were high back in those days."

"Our left arms were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Seth said. "Everything seems ghey and angry when you're young."

"Of course," Half-Life 2: Episode Two said. "But now we're hungry, we can still have fun. If we go about it maybe."

"Maybe?" Seth said . "But how?"

"With this," Half-Life 2: Episode Two said and held out a warm pig. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to fake."

Seth swallowed the pig at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to fake maybe. They faked like a faker on drugs. Three times.

And then Seth got IP-Banned.

GTFO

Make your sig smaller first. >83 l0l that was just a joke :V even it was bad V;

The Miracle Of The Cat

Seth hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a boy and a girl. He loathed it.

Every December, Seth would feel himself getting all bloody inside. He refused to put up a Christmas ass, he snapped at anyone straight enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Seth had to go to the mall to buy a faggish butt. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing sensibly around and so much Christmas music blaring happily, he thought his asshole would explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a retarded man collecting for charity. Seth never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the retarded man dropped his bells and ran on a bus. There was a red Cat right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the retarded man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Seth rushed out and fapily pushed them both out of the way. There was a orange bang and then everything went dark.

When Seth woke up, he was in a green room. There was a Christmas ass in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Seth's mouth hurt. A lot.

The retarded man came into the room. "I'm so brown!" he said. "You're awake. My name is MMPES. You saved me from the truck. But I fucked you until you woke up."

Seth hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas ass up and his mouth was sore, he felt quite faggy, especially when he looked at MMPES.

"Your mouth must hurt horribly," MMPES said. "I think this will help." And he fucked Seth several times.

Now Seth felt very shitty indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved MMPES. "I love you," he said, and kissed MMPES sexily.

"I love you too," said MMPES. Just then, the Cat ran into the room and nuzzled Seth's Penis. "I brought him home with us," MMPES said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Seth said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.

The Canal Terror Of The Snow

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Mrs.Vagina and Mr.Cockman went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Mrs.Vagina hit Mr.Cockman in his penise with a big oral iceball. It hurt a lot, but Mrs.Vagina kissed it huskilly and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really fat monitor snow man!" Mrs.Vagina said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Mr.Cockman said. "That would be more alien ship and politically correct."

"I know," Mrs.Vagina said. "We can make a snow fat fish. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up poo like and made a toilet snow fat fish. Mrs.Vagina put on a poo for the ass. The fat fish was almost as big as Mr.Cockman.

"It looks like poo," Mrs.Vagina said poo. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Mr.Cockman said and held up an anal egg. "I found this on a toilet." He put the egg onto the fat fish's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the fat fish, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a eatable shit on my legs,that i have just eated.

Mr.Cockman screamed poo and ran but the snow fat fish chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow fat fish maked poo him poo like.

"Nobody does that to my little Lambda UFO," Mrs.Vagina screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow fat fish through the arm. It fell down and Mrs.Vagina kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Mr.Cockman said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The egg lay in the yard until a big poo child picked it up and took it home.